I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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