i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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