Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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