just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
