guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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