Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
