the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
