Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
