We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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