Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
