yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
