I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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