Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
