I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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