There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
