I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize