okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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