Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
