It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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