i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
