So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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