cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
