you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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