Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
