I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
