bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
