i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize