i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
