If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Pants are for mortals
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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