ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
