let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
