Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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