a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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