Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
