3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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