you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
