Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
