Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
