Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i dont even know how to be here
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
