Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Mom said you looked used
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
