i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
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I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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