White coat. Heels.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
