I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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