Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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