ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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