I didn't shave. On purpose
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
