when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
