So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You can't just leave with hair like that
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
