Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize