I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
