do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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