In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
