Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
