Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
