Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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