I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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