don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
