Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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