I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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