I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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