I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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