whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
