She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
