I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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