I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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