As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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