That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
