so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
